It is time to stop being a people pleaser
Are you a people pleaser? Does other people’s feelings affect you too much? To an extent that it hampers with your daily activities? Do you try too hard to make others happy? Do their opinion of you matters to you more than anything else? Do you have sleepless nights while making decisions that involve other people’s emotions? Do you always or most often say YES when you want to say NO? Do you try to avoid conflicts at any cost? Is ‘I’m sorry’ your most used phrase of the day? Do you feel emotionally and mentally drained while doing things for others? Do you constantly ask yourself if you did the right thing or not? Especially if it involved someone else? Does it make you uncomfortable if someone isn’t talking to you? Do you feel the need to be chatty all the time? Does silence awkward you? Do your ears always crave praise and appreciation from others? Are you scared of admitting to someone that you’re hurt?
I know, the list is exhaustive, and so is the problem! You may or may not be a people pleaser if your answer to all the above or most of the questions is yes. I too showed some of these traits. Googled it and a few searches blamed my stars(My sun-sign is Virgo). I was in constant misconception until I tried this quiz and I was dumbfounded to know that I had an acute ‘People Pleasing Disorder’ commonly known as PPD.
Well, I’m kidding. There’s no disorder named as such and I’M SORRY for hurting your feelings, if I did. I hope I haven’t offended you. That wasn’t my intention. I was just….and then it just… I know I shouldn’t have said that but you see that’s the problem with me. I often forget that I should do this but I do that and this and that then this and I’M SORRY……
Do most of your texts are as long and explanatory as the above? That’s another trait of a people pleaser. Long text messages, mostly involving explanation for an action.
If you too are a people pleaser, like me, then it’s time to stop being one.
You can NEVER reach your full potential by being a people pleaser
I can vouch for this one. When you work in a team, being a people pleaser makes you vulnerable to others’ sentiments. It gets difficult to put forward your point of view. Even taking small decisions, like choosing a suitable time for a meeting, becomes tough, much less the bigger ones like deciding on a business model. The reason is simple- you don’t want to make ANYONE upset.
But is it possible? Can you really become successful by trying to keep everyone happy?
There’s only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing- Aristotle.
Hence, it’s crucial to say and do what is in your heart and mind and put it into action, even if it upsets someone. Because that’s the only way you learn and grow. So, the next time you don’t agree with a colleague, or even with your boss, tell them. The idea isn’t to have conflicts but to let others know when you disagree, choosing the right words and way. And who knows no one gets miffed? Most of the times it’s not what you say that makes one angry but the way you say it.
Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come
There’s a Chinese proverb that goes this way. We humans are so engrossed in looking after the needs and feelings of the wrong people that those of our near ones is ignored. Imagine a situation where two people need your help, at the same time. One is your best friend for years and the other is a friend that you’ve recently made. The easy and most convenient thing to do is to ask the former to wait and help the latter first. It’s pretty normal and we all have done it at least once in our lives. It’s not that our best friend matters lesser to us. But, you know that the new friend may not understand it if you do the opposite while your best friend will always do.
And, often you take the near ones for granted and focus more on the others. While it’s important to help everyone but not at the expense of keeping the near ones down in your priority list.
Moreover, who can be more dearer to you than you own self? Yes! You read it right. Sometimes you need to keep yourself first in the priority list. So, the next time, you face such a situation, ask yourself first. Can I manage the time? If yes then go ahead and if not then sit back and relax. It’s completely fine to say NO sometimes.
It doesn’t build but ruin your relationship with others and especially with yourself
Telling the truth and making someone cry is better than telling a lie and making someone smile- Paulo Coelho
It’s true that any relationship works on understanding and harmony. But, also on trust. Telling your partner lies and hiding your true feelings and views will definitely avoid arguments but it will be harmful for the relationship in the longer run. Although a person likes a peaceful partner yet people like honesty more than gullibility. By lying to your partner only to avoid fights or to impress him/her will only make things worse for you. How long can you hide your true self for? There’ll be a day when the cloud will burst and it will all pour down, all the way together, along with the lightening and thunder, and the damage done will be irreparable. Your partner will be hurt more with your true self as you would’ve never shown it to them before. And you would’ve called a war to avoid a fight.
As Buddha said ‘three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth.’
And besides, being honest helps you get the best of partners, friends and relationships. People would know your true self and those who will stay will stay for what you’re in reality and that’s the truest and purest form of love and friendship. An honest relationship is one of its kind.
John Lennon has aptly described- Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it will always get you the right ones.
Learn to say NO and say YES to happiness
People may not agree with me on this one but this is a universal truth. When you say YES to someone without actually wanting to say it then you’re saying NO to yourself. And, that’s the worst that you can do to yourself. You don’t even realize but a monologue starts inside that small head which already is stuffed with the daily hassles. You win at making the other person happy but what about your own peace of mind?
Don’t believe me? Then listen to Steve Jobs put weightage to it- It’s only by saying ‘No’ that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.
The wisest are those, who at the right time, answer ‘No’ at ease and ask the hardest Why’s.
Being a people pleaser will have a negative impact on your mental as well as emotional health and so say psychologists, experiences and I.
Care about what other people think and you’ll always be their prisoner- Lao Tzu
